Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Guiliani Renames New York to New Amsterdam

New York mayor and Republican presidental candidate Rudi Guiliani announced today that he is changing the name of New York state and New York City to New Amsterdam and New Amsterdam City.

"The British traitors don't deserve to have the city that hosted 9/11 named after one of their crappy cities," Guiliani said. "After an anonymous government offical said that they were "performing poorly," I knew it was time to show those limey bastards who's the boss here. From now on New York is New Amsterdam, to honor the brave Dutch who know the way to fight jihad--by drawing cartoons."

The White House official who spoke to the Associated Press on the condition his--or her--identity would not be revealed, said "Britain would always be 'the cornerstone' of US policy towards Europe but there was "a lot of unhappiness" about how British forces had performed in Basra and an acceptance that Mr Brown would pull the remaining 4,500 troops out of Iraq next year....Operationally, British forces have performed poorly in Basra," said the official. "Maybe it's best that they leave."

U.S. officials said the British withdrawal demonstrated the success of the recent surge in the number of troops fighting in Iraq. "But Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said his forces "are prepared to take over security of Basra within two months and we will." Reaction on the street was less positive. Dau'd Abdul-Hadi, a street vendor near a Basra market, said, "We are thrilled to hear of the success of the coalition forces here. I would love to celebrate with my family, but unfortunately I am the only one left. Long live the Coalition!"

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